Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Year - Ring in 2010 Safely

If I ever had any idea of going out for New Year's Eve, all I had to do was go to town earlier today and my mind was changed very quickly.  As early as 2:30 this afternoon there were already crazies out and about.

I've never really been big on going out on New Year's Eve anyway - it's amateur night, but sometimes it doesn't hurt to get a refresher course on why I choose to stay in.  Aside from the very noticeable energy in the air, people are just not themselves today.  It's all about the parties, the idea of the start of a new year, new beginnings, and throwing all caution to the wind for one last time before the year is officially over.  All of these ingredients do not mix well, nor do they make for good decisions and safety.

I hope that everyone exercises caution tonight and makes it to see 2010 with nothing more than a hangover.

Anxiety is setting in...

It's 9 a.m. on New Year's Eve day, and the anxiety of the coming year is starting to kick in.  I'm starting to wonder just exactly what I am getting myself into.  I shouldn't be concerned, I'm not one to sit and do nothing at all, I am always moving around and don't like being unproductive, but maybe the idea that I have deadlines is what is making me tense.  I guess that's the whole point; give myself deadlines so I have no excuses and cannot be lackadaisy about things.  I just hope I can measure up.

I hope I can fit everything in without sacrificing my time with my daughter.  Although I'm quite sure a thinner, walking mommy would make her very happy.

I sometimes wonder if anyone is even reading this blog.  I know a few people who are, but they are close to me in one way or another.  I guess my words haven't spread to infect the masses quite yet, and I think that's good, but I wouldn't mind inspiring others either.  It doesn't matter to me, I started this blog as an outlet for myself and will continue to express myself here whether or not anyone is paying attention.

I suppose the idea that I might actually accomplish something big like walking every day or losing this weight is scary too.  Why I would be scared of doing good, I don't know, but sometimes I am.  I have done it before; I've quit drinking after years of being a full-blown alcoholic... there's no reason I can't do these other things that are only going to be great for me.

I better stock up on Red Bull.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Weight Loss Blog

In an already hectic schedule, I've decided, quite stupidly, to give myself even more to do. I just might be setting myself up for a huge failure, but I have created another blog detailing my weight loss goals for 2010.

The goal is 60 pounds in 6 months.  Ugh... just seeing those numbers makes me wonder how I even got that heavy in the first place.  I mean, I know exactly how I got there, I just refuse to believe it.

Maybe it won't be too difficult to juggle both blogs and both goals since they pretty much help each other out.  The walking provides exercise for the weight loss and the weight loss helps with the walking. 

If I don't dedicate time and effort to both of these things, another year will go by and I will be sitting here thinking about how much I could have accomplished in the last year... just like I am now.

I might have more success accomplishing both goals if I start getting more sleep.  Sitting here watching 'Friends' and typing into my blogs at 11:30 at night just might be out of the question starting Jan. 1, 2010.  Afterall, I've read you're supposed to rest as hard as you work.

On that note, I am signing off.

Julie & Julia

I have found new inspiration in the movie "Julie & Julia". I had no idea that I share the same birthday (August 15) with Julia Child. I knew she was tall, like me, but unlike me at 6' tall, Julia was 6'2". She also died 2 days before her 92nd birthday on August 13, 2004 which I find both very sad and quite odd. I wonder if she was trying to hold on until her birthday?

Unfortunately for my figure, I also share Julia Child's love of food. She moved to France with her husband and in trying to figure out what she wanted to do with her life - besides be a housewife - she realized how much she loved food and that there were no French cookbooks written in English. Subsequently, the legend of Julia Child was born.

Across the pond in New York a young woman was struggling with a similar delimma and decided to go through Julia Child's cookbook in one year and blog about it... sparking my interest in doing something similar but with my walking.

Julie sets a goal for herself because she admits to being terrible at finishing things. Perhaps since we are starting a new year I need to set a similar goal for myself. The question is... what should that goal be? Julie's goal is 572 Julia Child recipes in 365 days. Maybe I should strive for 100,000 steps in 365 days? That works out to be an average of 274 steps per day. I should be able to manage that, barring any other injuries, without a problem. And of course, while I'm struggling to meet this goal I will be blogging about it.

Wish me luck, time starts ticking January 1, 2010.

Monday, December 28, 2009

Happy Holidays

Well I made it through Christmas fairly well, but it wasn't without a little help from my old friend Tequila. I certainly did not fall back into my old patterns, in fact not even close, but I did share a few two-fers with my mother here and there to settle my nerves while shopping and dealing with all that goes along with Christmas. I don't care who you are, or what has happened in your life, the holidays almost always call for some kind of novacaine! Without being a tad numb around the edges, I may have crumbled under the pressure.

I am really looking forward to the new year. I have set a few goals that I truly believe are within reach and I can't wait to get started on the work it will take to achieve them.

I have been walking much more since my knee has healed almost 100%. It still aches now and then and is tender if I let it hyperextend, but as I've stated in previous posts, I think that is a blessing as it is making me use the muscles instead of relying on the joints to stand and walk. I haven't been counting my steps, I've just been walking in bursts here and there to get warmed up for the new year to come, but it really feels good to be back up on my feet once again. I have lost in strength quite a bit, but I was prepared for that to happen. It sucks, but such is life when there is an injury of any kind. One step forward, two steps back.

This time of year always reminds me of friends who have passed on, and of my living friends who must fight every day, but do it with such grace. I draw strength from them knowing that every day is a struggle for them as well, but they never give up.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Favorite Shirt of the Day

Spirit in the Sky!

My friends and I love to play that song on Rock Band! (and I dedicate this to my friend Stefanie who admittedly loves to read my blog posts :)

It's almost Christmas! I can hardly believe it. It seems like the time just goes faster and faster the older we get. Next thing you know, you turn around and you're 50!

My knee is doing much better. It still hurts at times, but nothing like it did in the beginning or the couple of weeks afterward when I was pretty much immobile. It's nice to be up and moving around again, and I am working myself slowly back into my walking routine.

Getting back to Christmas... Ever since I got sick, which was on December 23, 1997, and I spent all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in bed in severe pain before I finally went to the hospital the morning of the 26th (I didn't want to ruin anyone's Christmas), I haven't really cared when Christmas rolls around. There have been a couple of years here and there when I have decorated, or given it my best shot, but I still had the horrible memories haunting me, and I never really could enjoy the holiday the way I did before. Having said all that... this is the first year I am actually looking forward to Christmas, and all the negative, painful, and sad memories I have of that fateful Christmas have faded into the background.

Perhaps I have finally let go of the demons that have consumed me, and am really and truly healing in more ways than just learning to walk again. I spent year after year angry and depressed at what had happened to me, and that seemingly got me nowhere, so since I have tried this new approach I have released that anger and resentment and have moved forward toward a brighter path. Not even a fall and an injured knee can bring me back down to that terrible place I festered in for so many years. Hallelujah!

Someone once told me that someday the angels who were holding on to my legs would let go and I would walk again. At the time I scoffed and thought to myself "you mean the devil". As strange as it seems, I now believe that person was right and I think they were angels. Maybe I needed to learn something, maybe I needed to suffer in order to come out stronger, or maybe they were saving me from something worse. Whatever the case, they can let go now because I'm ready.