Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Spirit in the Sky!

My friends and I love to play that song on Rock Band! (and I dedicate this to my friend Stefanie who admittedly loves to read my blog posts :)

It's almost Christmas! I can hardly believe it. It seems like the time just goes faster and faster the older we get. Next thing you know, you turn around and you're 50!

My knee is doing much better. It still hurts at times, but nothing like it did in the beginning or the couple of weeks afterward when I was pretty much immobile. It's nice to be up and moving around again, and I am working myself slowly back into my walking routine.

Getting back to Christmas... Ever since I got sick, which was on December 23, 1997, and I spent all of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in bed in severe pain before I finally went to the hospital the morning of the 26th (I didn't want to ruin anyone's Christmas), I haven't really cared when Christmas rolls around. There have been a couple of years here and there when I have decorated, or given it my best shot, but I still had the horrible memories haunting me, and I never really could enjoy the holiday the way I did before. Having said all that... this is the first year I am actually looking forward to Christmas, and all the negative, painful, and sad memories I have of that fateful Christmas have faded into the background.

Perhaps I have finally let go of the demons that have consumed me, and am really and truly healing in more ways than just learning to walk again. I spent year after year angry and depressed at what had happened to me, and that seemingly got me nowhere, so since I have tried this new approach I have released that anger and resentment and have moved forward toward a brighter path. Not even a fall and an injured knee can bring me back down to that terrible place I festered in for so many years. Hallelujah!

Someone once told me that someday the angels who were holding on to my legs would let go and I would walk again. At the time I scoffed and thought to myself "you mean the devil". As strange as it seems, I now believe that person was right and I think they were angels. Maybe I needed to learn something, maybe I needed to suffer in order to come out stronger, or maybe they were saving me from something worse. Whatever the case, they can let go now because I'm ready.

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