Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Day 76

I know it has been quite a while since I have written anything.  I haven't had much to say.  Work has kept me extremely busy, and then add to that my walking and daily chores and errands, and there isn't much time left for reflection.  I feel like I'd be saying the same things over again;  I'm sick of the cold weather, I can't wait until Spring, I need to get more steps in each day, etc.

Some days it feels like my rehabilitation just drags on and on to the point where I feel like what's the point.  Obviously, I know what the point is, but there are those days when I just want to throw my hands in the air and say "it's too damn hard for such little gain".  I won't, but sometimes I want to.

Falling, and then falling behind on my step count, really put a damper on things and did a wonderful job of souring my mood.  I hate being behind in anything;  it constantly looms over me like a dark cloud ready to open up and dump a shit storm on my head.  I can't stand the pressure.

I know I need to relax and all good things take time, blah, blah, blah.  Even the most positive people in the world get sick and tired of being so damn positive all the time.  Sometimes a person just needs to vent and be a little negative to balance things out. 

I know that when my mood returns to happy-go-lucky, which won't be long from now, I will relish in my accomplishments and see each tiny gain as a miracle straight from heaven once again, but for now, I am just sick and tired of being sick and tired.  I'm sick of feeling like it's impossible, sick of that nagging feeling that I might never get any better, sick of it all.  There, I said it, now I can move forward once again.

Step count today:  100

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