Monday, April 26, 2010

Day 116

Monday, Monday. 

Here's hoping today is a better day -- as far as people are concerned -- than yesterday.  When I go out to do the things I need to do, I hope everyone just minds their own business.  Unless some fine looking man wants to come up and ask me out on a date, or someone wants to just make conversation, I prefer to be left alone.  I'm not going to be so nice anymore, I'm just going to start insulting these people right back.  I've had several comebacks over the years, but never used them.  "What happened to you?", me: "nothing, I just got tired of walking."  "OMG did you get in a car accident?", me: "Ya, I got hit by someone stupid like you."  Oh, the list goes on and on, and usually I just clam up and wave them off, or I say "long story" and keep moving because I fear what I will really say if given the chance to let my anger take over.  Now that my daughter is older she gets upset as well, which makes me even more upset.  I can feel her tensing up, and that just makes my rage start bubbling, and I know that I need to get away, and fast.  The things I could say to these people would leave them stunned and searching for the nearest dictionary.  They would have no clue that I just insulted them, and their whole family, with just a few sentences. 

Sometimes I think maybe I should just let loose and give them a piece of my mind.  Maybe if I did, they wouldn't do the same stupid thing to another disabled person just trying to make it through another day. I have a feeling that with people like that it wouldn't matter what I said, they wouldn't get it anyway.  If they don't already understand that you don't just go up to someone who has already suffered enough and start prying into their personal business just because you're curious, then they more than likely never will, and no amount of my words or time will change them.

Most of the time I can laugh it off and just keep remembering that they are clueless, but there are those days when it's just not the right day to F with me.  The kind of day like yesterday when I wasn't having the greatest of days to begin with, and the whole reason I was at the park working my ass off was to help calm my nerves, and release stress and excess energy.  It's like when I have to pee really bad and there is someone in my stall using the sink and mirror to do their makeup...  If looks could kill, my body count would be in the triple digits.

Step count today:  0

Steps I'm behind:  6,855

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