Monday, June 21, 2010

Day 172

I got into the beer yesterday.  This is what happens when my daughter goes off with her friends and leaves me unattended. It started off as the usual "I'll just have a couple", but ended with my having more like six, and setting myself up for today's hangover.  Yes, I'm that much of a lightweight these days.

It made me realize how sad I am, and how much I miss my friend.  When sober, I can deal with the emotions and the grief and go about my everyday life keeping her memory alive, but not losing my mind that she's gone.  Alcohol just brings the sadness to the surface and it's like a fountain that comes spewing out uncontrollably.  I don't think I've cried that hard in years; maybe since my dog died (and he died on Susan's 40th birthday!).

So, here I sit today -- puffy-eyed with a headache -- missing my friend terribly.  I had moved away to better myself and my life, and consequently saw her much less.  It pains me that I will never see her again.

I just have to keep reminding myself that if she were here right now, she would tell me to get over it and get busy walking!  She was sensational, and she could make you want to go run a marathon -- not for a second thinking that you couldn't.

(I am carrying over steps from yesterday)

Step count today:  400

Steps I'm behind:  7,565

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