Friday, July 9, 2010

Day 190

I have found myself quite frustrated today.  I saw a man who was, what looked like to me, about to keel over at any moment just because he was too heavy, and it really sparked a fire in me.  I know it can be a sensitive issue, but I'm going to delve into my thoughts about obesity a little bit.

Let's keep in mind the man I saw was probably around 600 pounds.  That is not an exaggeration, in fact I may be off by 100 pounds on the plus side.  It is true that I do not know this man's story, but my issues do not lie within him personally, they lie within every single human being who is able bodied and allows themselves to get that way.

That being said, I feel I should clarify what my issues are, and at what level the fire in me goes wild.  I have struggled with my own weight for years, and I know many, many others who have as well.  I am not claiming to be the most successful person in that area, but I do have to point out my disability as the reason for my weight gain and difficulty in losing it.  I also should say that I completely understand how age, and life in general, can play a key role in anyone's weight gain or weight issues.  I know how hard it is to keep weight off -- I am struggling with that as we speak -- but there is a limit to what's considered a "weight" issue and what is considered an "addiction" issue.  This man I saw today is obviously addicted to food, and addicted to the point that he WILL die if he does not get help.   I would get just as disgusted and frustrated at the sight of a drug addict or a severe alcoholic. 

We all struggle with addictions, and that I understand as well.  I have struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction in my life, so I know first hand about addictions.  There again, I am not claiming I am perfect or that I am the most successful person in dealing with addictions. 

It all boils down to this fact:  I see someone that big struggling to get into a mid-sized sedan because he's so big he can't fit, and I want to scream.  I want to scream because I want to help him, I want to motivate him and get him moving.  I want to remind him of what a great life he could be living, and that his size is holding him back from SO much!  Most of all what I feel when I see that is anger at an able bodied person taking advantage of their abilities.  I may be overweight now, but if I was walking I would not be, and when I was walking I was not.  I am someone who loves to use my body, no matter how much it hurts, and one of the things I miss most is being able to ride a bike, or roller blade, or go for a long, long walk.  I go through four sets of wheelchair tires a year from doing miles and miles in my chair to try to lose weight, and I would give ANYTHING to be able to walk on my own power. 

I know that when a person is as overweight as he is, even just moving around doing daily chores is painful and difficult, but that's the price he pays for being that big, and if he moved around even more, and ate less, he would lose it.  I'm not saying that it's easy.  I know from personal experience how hard it is to lose weight.  Everything I do is harder.  Every time I move it hurts.  None of it stops me from trying to keep my body healthy and in shape so I can be on this planet, and a mother to my daughter, longer.  No amount of pain is going to make me stop trying, and I wish everyone felt the same way.  I am not disabled by my own doing, but someone his size is.  He is making his life more difficult, and it pains me because there are people like me trying so hard to make my life less difficult, and having a hell of a time doing it, but still doing it.

It's the same old story:  you've got someone who has something another person would give anything to have, and it makes them mad they are taking advantage and not appreciating their gift.

Step count today:  316

Steps I'm behind:  7,877

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