Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Day 194

"I gotta say it was a good day..."

I paid a visit to some old friends today and it was a really wonderful visit.  It was the first time they had all seen me walk in several years, and it was nice to see the surprise on their faces.  As nervous as I get when I walk, I didn't feel a tinge of nervousness this time.  Just pride.  These are people who were there when I fell ill, and I'm sure it's heartwarming for them to see me progressing how I am.  At least that's my hope.  They deserve to see me do well after witnessing me do so badly for so many years.

I know now that I am strong enough to walk just fine when surrounded by people.  That's a big step in the right direction.  Although I've been walking at home a lot, it was good to step out of my comfort zone and push myself past the nerves.  Just like with anything worthwhile, I can't let fear hold me back.  My fear of tripping and falling has kept me from a lot of situations in which I should have walked instead of used my chair, but I am working out the kinks.  The separation anxiety I feel when away from my chair is slowly beginning to ebb, and I couldn't be happier for it.  I've never thought of myself as weak, in fact I know I am not, but I allowed myself to succumb to the ease and efficiency of being on four wheels for years.  No more.  I will make my brain let go of that chair if it kills me.

Even if I never progressed any farther than where I am now, I would still be happier than I've been.  I forgot how nice it is to be upright and able to see things.  I forgot how damn tall I am, and I miss that feeling.  I got used to a certain way of life, and it took me time to get used to it, so now it will take me time to return.  Humans are adaptable creatures, and unfortunately for me, I adapted quite well to being in a wheelchair.  Fortunately for me, I can adapt just as well to walking once again.

As far as my upcoming trip is concerned...  I've got it by the balls. 

Oh yeah... Hi Steve!

Step count today:  905

Steps I'm behind:  6,268

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