Oh! The pain!
I used to hear that phrase in the hospital any time they had to do something to me that was actually going to hurt like hell: "This is going to be a little uncomfortable, Miss Egeland" That's just a polite way of saying "brace yourself, you're gonna wish you were dead".
Four weeks after no more wheelchair, I am starting to realize why I must have decided one day it was too hard and gave up. The pain. The constant, never ending, gut wrenching, torturous, pain!
I'm a strong woman, and have always prided myself as such, but some days it's like "what the hell did I ever do that was SO bad that I deserve this?" I'm not a big fan of pity pots, in fact I think they are a huge waste of time, but now and then I sit my ass right down on one and contemplate why in the world someone would torture themself the way I currently am, and how it's probably only going to get worse.
What gets me through? The fact that four weeks into ditching my wheels and going upright, I just put a roast into the slow-cooker (which took me an hour) and did the dishes afterward without so much as a second thought. Something like that four weeks ago -- in my mind -- would have required the use of a chair. Granted I sat while chopping veggies, or doing the dishes, but there was a lot of walking and standing required as well. So much that just four weeks ago it would have taken me two hours, at least.
I am getting better. I am getting better. I am getting better. This mantra keeps me struggling away and working hard toward that ultimate goal -- total and complete independence!
Step count today: 848
Steps I'm ahead: 4,419