Saturday, July 30, 2011

One Year Down

I'm a day or so late with this, but it has been one year that I have been walking.  I have mixed emotions, as I fully expected to, but I thought I would be much more excited than I am. 

I have no complaints, that is for certain.  I mean, come on, I'm vertical again.  I no longer feel like a troll.  Elevator rides are much more scenic now that I'm not staring at (and smelling) asses the whole ride.  Life is good.

So, why am I not more excited?  Maybe there is still a part of me who just doesn't quite believe it's true, and maybe another part is pissed off that I still have to use a walker even though I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought I would get in the first place.  The post Guillain-Barre me has always been grateful for the smallest of things in this life, so what the hell is my problem all of a sudden?  Is walking somehow taking me back to the pre-Guillain-Barre me?  Nah...

I suppose I am still adjusting, both mentally and physically.  I guess I never prepared for the mental side of things because I was too busy psyching myself up for the physical part.  The pain was the first thing I had to get used to (even though there really is no getting used to that), and then there were things here and there like the aforementioned elevator rides, which I have to say, the first one was a doozy to say the least!  Traversing different terrains has been an adventure, and just figuring out how to live life as a biped once again has been interesting.  You spend 12+ years on wheels and you forget a lot of what goes into walking.  I even had to get used to being up so high!  Being 6' tall, that was my first obstacle.  That's not something you think of until you do it and say "whoa! Holy hell, Batman, I'm high up!"

A year seems like such a long time, until it flies by in the blink of an eye and you wonder where the hell the time went.  I've said it before, and I have to remind myself time and time again, I spent close to 13 years in a wheelchair, it's not going to happen overnight, or even in a year, or maybe even in two years, but it WILL happen.

So what am I going to do for this next year?  Should I start transitioning to crutches?  Maybe I'll just say hell with it all and get myself a Segway... Nahhhh.

I think I'll work on trying to be happy for myself, even if just a little bit, and then I'll worry about what to torture myself with this coming year. 

13 years ago.  Still in the hospital after six long months.
See... "it's never so bad it can't be worse"