Monday, December 31, 2012
Sunday, December 30, 2012
I would like 2013 to be the year that I get stronger and start walking better. I believe I can do it. I truly believe. Even if I can end the year soley using crutches, that would be a huge step in the right direction. I just want to be stronger, no matter how small the incriment.
I want all of me to be stronger and healthier. I am tired of feeling so much pain all the time. If I'm going to have to feel the pain, I might as well be benefiting from it. I'm not a pill popper, so pain meds aren't an option. Therefore, I will have to get my body to release it's natural morphine through exercise. Maybe more exercise alone will alleviate the pain just from being more fit in general.
No matter what the outcome, I will not give up. This year is my year to work hard physically and give it all I've got.
Never Give Up.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Monday, December 17, 2012
The crunches are getting easier, although the third set of ten is still a little tough. The pushups, too, are getting easier, but those also get harder at around rep 8 of each set. Much better than getting hard at rep 4! And, my squats are still about the same "style", but they, too, are getting easier to hold my form and get them done.
All in all after about 1 week (with a couple lazy days mixed in), I am getting stronger and I can feel it and I LIKE IT!
I'm already going to start adding things each day, but just to try out for now. This will give me a better idea of what my next 30-day goal will be ;-)
Sunday today and I took the day off. I shouldn't have, but I did.
It's been a tough weekend. Working out is exactly what I should have done to help relieve some stress.
I guess rest is good so I won't beat myself up too much as long as I get back at it tomorrow. And I will.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
No matter how many times I say that number, it doesn't seem to register how someone could take that many lives, especially not the lives of children.
My heart aches for the parents who are suffering such a terrible grief. It's absolutely unimaginable.
My God be with you all.
I didn't do my daily 60! I'm such a big fat loser, so today I am going to do double. And I'm going to do some major power cleaning around my apartment as punishment for being a slacker.
There was no reason and no excuse other than sheer laziness on my part. I was sore, but that's never a good enough excuse. I was just lazy. Period.
One good thing; I weighed myself just now and I'm down to 178 in my birthday suit. That works for me! As long as I keep seeing those numbers go down, and as long as I stop being a lazy douche and do what I said I was going to do!
NEVER GIVE UP!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
I did my 60. It was tough, and my arms are so sore I thought they would fall off, but they didn't, and I pushed through and did it.
Yay me. Tomorrow is gonna suck.
I will do them today no matter how sore I still am, which ironically I am more sore today than I was yesterday. You know you're way out of shape when you're so sore from doing that little bit of exercise that it hurts just to move -- two days later. Ouch.
I have definitely been more out of shape in my life; like when I was over 215 pounds and drinking almost every day, but right now I feel like I'm more out of shape than I've ever been before. I guess it's because back then I didn't care, and now I do.
I weighed myself this morning and I couldn't even believe it! I ran out of my thyroid medication a few weeks ago, and went off my diet and had a little too much fun with family and friends over Thanksgiving, so I am definitely paying the price. Between that and the fact that it's that time of the month for me, which always adds at least 5 pounds of bloat, I'm currently 185! Double ouch.
Before Thankgiving I weighed in at 165. Ideally, I would like to be 145. Being 6' tall, that's a good weight for me. So, nose to the grindstone! Time to get the rest of this weight off and get back to work at getting stronger all over.
Monday, December 10, 2012
Sunday, December 9, 2012
I did my daily 60.
20 Push Ups
And, what I learned from it? Not only am I weak, but I'm out of shape.
Day 1 down. Can't wait to see how much easier it is after 30.
Quite an intersting fact. Whatever happens, I hope it fixes me and anyone else afflicted with a debilitating disease.
20 push ups
I know I haven't written anything in a while, and to those of you who are so loyal and caring and have emailed me, I apologize. It does kind of get old always talking about it, and thinking about it, and feeling like my whole life revolves around my "disease", so I guess I just needed a bit of a hiatus to regroup and gather my thoughts about something other than GBS.
I just decided that I need a new goal. Like when I started this blog and I wanted to do so many steps in one year. So, I figured there's nothing better than exercise, and daily exercise is even better. I am keeping it light so as to keep it a goal that's achievable instead of overwhelming myself and subsequently failing. I can do 30 crunches in a day. I can do 20 push ups in a day. And, I can do 10 squats in a day. They may not be the best squats, but I'll get as low as I can while holding on as little as I can.
I am interested to see where I will be after 30 days. 30 days is nothing, really. It goes by in a flash. After this first 30 days, then I'll have to find something else to do for the next 30 days.
Never Give Up.
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
A PT once told me that crawling was something I should be doing as much as I could, and I remember scoffing at him and thinking to myself "I'm a grown adult, I'm not going to crawl!" I've had to eat those words as of late.
I have done a bit of crawling here and there, and it always felt so odd to me, but I thought I would give it a try. Lately, since my hip flexors are still so weak, and I get frustrated at how difficult it is to lift my legs against gravity, I have decided that crawling is probably something I should be doing every single day, even if just for a few minutes each day. I am able to lift my legs toward my chest with much more ease since they are not going against gravity, and while crawling I consciously contract my abdominals, giving each of those muscle groups a much needed workout that is a lot harder to get any other way.
On Monday of this week, I crawled around my living room floor playing with my dog. I purposely crawled slow and with great intent, contracting all those muscles that need it, and I crawled as fast as I could while still trying to maintain good form and always keeping my abs contracted. I sat down in between and played with the dog, throwing her bone, crouching down with her and pretending to be a dog... anything that made it more fun to be on the floor doing such a childlike exercise.
Turns out; it is now Wednesday and I'm still sore! My abs, obliques, hip flexors, and basically any muscle associated with my trunk and hips is sore as hell. All a great sign that this is definitely something I need to be doing a lot more frequently.
Aside from being a great exercise, it's fun. If I stop looking at it as something ridiculous, and start looking at it as an opportunity to play and find my youth, I will be much more likely to continue to do this on a regular basis. And the fact that it is working muscles and making me stronger can just be that added bonus. The "gravy", so to speak.
So for anyone who is in a similar situation and needs a good exercise to strengthen their trunk as well as other muscles that are harder to strengthen from a standing position -- crawl! You'll be glad you did!
Monday, April 30, 2012
I have been getting extremely depressed lately. I can't control it. It hits me in these waves and I don't know what depresses me more; the actual feeling of being depressed, or the fact that I can't fight it on my own. I will have a day or two of feeling like there's no point in living, and then magically the next day I wake up and I feel on top of the world, and like I can do anything.
Maybe it's just a side effect of getting older. I am in my late 30's (UGH) and I know that the hormones definitely take some twists and turns at this age, but causing major bouts of depression, really? HOW, from an evolutionary standpoint, is that part of getting old? What in the world does that accomplish in the aging process? Is this like some kind of test? If you can make it through these waves of wanting to throw yourself in front of a train, you are worthy of making it to the next phase? It's ridiculous.
I'm not a big believer in taking pills, but I am entertaining the idea of possibly a light anti-depressant for a little while. Or, maybe I should just go have all my female parts removed since I don't plan to create any more lives in this lifetime, anyway.
Whatever the solution, I hope I come to one quickly. I am getting pretty sick of myself.
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
If you suddenly couldn't smell, but then gained your sense of smell back, you would stop and smell those roses like never before, and you would take it all in, appreciating every nuance. You would remember what it was like when you couldn't smell, and you would be grateful for the opportunity to have lost it so that you could appreciate it now and forever.
I could go on and on with a hundred examples, but I'm sure you get the point.
I remember how limited my life was on four wheels, and I am so very grateful to have a lot of those limitations lifted. Just the ability to climb stairs again, however slow and difficult it still might be, is a true gift. Just typing this right now is something I thought I might never be able to do again when I couldn't even lift my own arm to scratch my nose (both of which I also couldn't feel).
In every difficult situation is an opportunity to learn an important life lesson, and grow, and become better.
I am grateful to be alive. I am grateful to have feelings and to be able to feel pain so that I may be reminded of this life that I need to appreciate. Good or bad.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
In regard to my walking versus "swinging"... since waking I have forced myself to actually walk, step by step, as I should, instead of swinging my legs under me. I have probably taken a total of a couple hundred steps, and as I was just coming back from refilling my coffee, I noticed I was walking faster and better already.
I will not discount the swinging, and that it actually did do a lot for me and my balance and trunk strength, but it's definitely time to stop and continue with normal walking. Obviously, my legs are ready.
It is hard to get out of the habit of doing something that propels me forward so much faster, but I just keep reminding myself that running someday will be even faster!
It has been a while since my last post, and since, I have kicked my diet coke addiction (yay...), but I have not yet begun using my crutches as I said I should, or would. In fact, I am ashamed to say I am not only still using the walker, but I have developed the nasty habit of "swinging" while using it! One day, in my frustration at being so slow to get anywhere, I thought "what if I tried this..." and started swinging my legs under me. At first I was just thrilled I could even do this, for my balance wasn't the greatest and being able to do anything above and beyond dragging my feet along at a snail's pace was incredible. However, it has become a very bad habit that I am afraid is another one on the list that I must kick. Granted it has been a good workout for my trunk, mainly my abs, a person just knows when it's time to stop and move on to the next bit of torture that will benefit something else; like my legs, for instance.
Yesterday an old friend of mine added me on Facebook. We met via my blog, and have been email buddies since. Bob was also stricken with this horrible disease, and I am very, very, very happy to say he walked unassisted for the first time just recently! I am so unbelievably happy for him! One of Bob's first emails to me was so heart-wrenching, and so raw with pain and fear, and now he is walking unassisted. Life works in mysterious ways, and we are so much stronger than we know. Keep up the great work, Bob, it only gets better from here!
This is just another reason for me to get my ass in gear and figure out what to do next. I cannot let my fear hold me back. One of the biggest reasons I sat in the wheelchair all those years was out of fear. Fear of falling, fear of stairs, fear of failing. Fear, fear, fear. I guess the good part is I am able to recognize it, now I just need to do something about it! My biggest fear now is of falling. I am afraid if I move up to crutches, and then am out and about and I fall... well, I would be stuck there on the ground wondering how the hell I was going to get up. It's literally crippling. I have to remember it's just another obstacle that I must face, and conquer.
For now, I have decided I must kick the swinging habit. That is first on my list for today. So far, since waking up, I have not done it, and each and every time I walk somewhere I tell myself "no swinging!". For Bob, I will spend the entire day walking as I should and not use my new found trick to get somewhere faster. After all, I am the one who always says "slow and steady wins the race".
Thursday, February 2, 2012
So, for 12 years (give or take), those 300 muscles lie dormant in my body...
It's no wonder it is taking so long for me to get strong again.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
I truly believe, without a doubt, the cause of what happened to me is a direct result of how badly things have become with the human race. It seems like all we do is consume, and most of the time have no regard for what it is we are consuming. We put chemicals in everything, including our food, and then we wonder why there are new diseases and disorders popping up faster than we can keep track. Our own bodies are attacking themselves in defense of what we are doing to them. It's as if our immune systems are attempting suicide because they just don't know what else to do and have lost all hope. Just walking out our front door puts so much stress on our immune system, it's literally a miracle we live through each day. Considering our bodies and their functions are basically miracles on their own, it's nothing short of abuse that we take advantage and dump so much junk into them like they are nothing more than a dumpster for our trash.
I'm as guilty as the next person of putting things in my body that don't belong simply because it tastes good. I have managed to quit smoking, drinking alcohol, and doing drugs, but my diet coke addiction should be next on the list. Replacing diet coke with water is probably as close to torture as I'll come (although some moments in ICU left little to be desired). I have picked up a much healthier addiction to Chai tea, but nothing in this world can replace the taste and feel of an ice cold diet coke on one of those days when I'm jamming out to music and power-cleaning my apartment. Oh diet coke, how I love thee.
Nonetheless, we, as human beings, need to pay closer attention to what we put in our bodies. It's obviously affecting not only our physical health, but our mental health as well. Afterall, body and mind are as one. Maybe if we can just start with what goes in our bodies, then we can work on all the other chemicals and junk we put on them. The world right now kind of feels like when I was a teenager and my room was a complete disaster - so bad you couldn't even see the floor - and I would just stare at it from the doorway completely overwhelmed and wondering "where do I begin?"
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Inspired by Tripp Roth and his mother. Tripp passed away yesterday, he was exactly 2 years and 8 months old.
Just when we think our lives are difficult, we can be reminded that others out there are not only struggling too, but some are struggling with unimaginable pain.
My prayers are with you Courtney Roth. May God hold Tripp in His arms just as you did.
"EBing a Mommy" - Courtney Roth's blog
I find myself at a stalemate lately. Not just with my blog, but life in general. I spent basically an entire year in my apartment, not really doing much, or going many places, and now that it's a new year, I think it's time for a new me. The "me" that was 2011 has to go.
I have been assessing my strength; thinking back to when I first began and how extremely difficult it was to do even the smallest of chores. I can honestly say I've come a very long way. I might not be running marathons quite yet, but I'm definitely on the right track.
Although still using a walker, I have plans to graduate to my crutches. Since it's winter here, and slippery outside most of the time, I will still use the walker outdoors, but it's time to say goodbye. It has become to "easy" for me. I lean on it too much, and I need to push myself to use my muscles. I will use the crutches indoors, and when Spring rolls around I will hopefully be strong and confident enough to venture outdoors with the crutches and get rid of the walker all together.
I am very glad 2011 is over, and although it was a very tough year for me, I have let it go and am determined to move forward. Dwelling on the past is a waste of time and energy that can be much better spent focusing on making the changes neccessary to continue to get stronger and hopefully rid myself of all walking aids one day.