Thursday, March 29, 2012

Easy Does It

Today, I am inspired.  Inspired to write, inspired to walk, inspired to do something above and beyond my normal daily routine, no matter how seemingly insignificant. 

It has been a while since my last post, and since, I have kicked my diet coke addiction (yay...), but I have not yet begun using my crutches as I said I should, or would.  In fact, I am ashamed to say I am not only still using the walker, but I have developed the nasty habit of "swinging" while using it!  One day, in my frustration at being so slow to get anywhere, I thought "what if I tried this..." and started swinging my legs under me.  At first I was just thrilled I could even do this, for my balance wasn't the greatest and being able to do anything above and beyond dragging my feet along at a snail's pace was incredible.  However, it has become a very bad habit that I am afraid is another one on the list that I must kick.  Granted it has been a good workout for my trunk, mainly my abs, a person just knows when it's time to stop and move on to the next bit of torture that will benefit something else; like my legs, for instance.   

Yesterday an old friend of mine added me on Facebook.  We met via my blog, and have been email buddies since.  Bob was also stricken with this horrible disease, and I am very, very, very happy to say he walked unassisted for the first time just recently!  I am so unbelievably happy for him!  One of Bob's first emails to me was so heart-wrenching, and so raw with pain and fear, and now he is walking unassisted.  Life works in mysterious ways, and we are so much stronger than we know.  Keep up the great work, Bob, it only gets better from here!

This is just another reason for me to get my ass in gear and figure out what to do next.  I cannot let my fear hold me back.  One of the biggest reasons I sat in the wheelchair all those years was out of fear.  Fear of falling, fear of stairs, fear of failing.  Fear, fear, fear.  I guess the good part is I am able to recognize it, now I just need to do something about it!  My biggest fear now is of falling.  I am afraid if I move up to crutches, and then am out and about and I fall... well, I would be stuck there on the ground wondering how the hell I was going to get up.  It's literally crippling.  I have to remember it's just another obstacle that I must face, and conquer.

For now, I have decided I must kick the swinging habit.  That is first on my list for today.  So far, since waking up, I have not done it, and each and every time I walk somewhere I tell myself "no swinging!".  For Bob, I will spend the entire day walking as I should and not use my new found trick to get somewhere faster.  After all, I am the one who always says "slow and steady wins the race".

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