Monday, April 30, 2012


It's quite the contrast to go from a "Gratitude" post to a post about depression, but it has to be addressed and is just how life seems to work.

I have been getting extremely depressed lately.  I can't control it.  It hits me in these waves and I don't know what depresses me more; the actual feeling of being depressed, or the fact that I can't fight it on my own.  I will have a day or two of feeling like there's no point in living, and then magically the next day I wake up and I feel on top of the world, and like I can do anything. 

Maybe it's just a side effect of getting older.  I am in my late 30's (UGH) and I know that the hormones definitely take some twists and turns at this age, but causing major bouts of depression, really?  HOW, from an evolutionary standpoint, is that part of getting old?  What in the world does that accomplish in the aging process?  Is this like some kind of test?  If you can make it through these waves of wanting to throw yourself in front of a train, you are worthy of making it to the next phase?  It's ridiculous.

I'm not a big believer in taking pills, but I am entertaining the idea of possibly a light anti-depressant for a little while.  Or, maybe I should just go have all my female parts removed since I don't plan to create any more lives in this lifetime, anyway. 

Whatever the solution, I hope I come to one quickly.  I am getting pretty sick of myself.   

Wednesday, April 4, 2012


I realized today that I am grateful for all the bad things that have happened to me in my life because they have given me a new "eye" and made me more able to recognize, and appreciate, the good. 

If you suddenly couldn't smell, but then gained your sense of smell back, you would stop and smell those roses like never before, and you would take it all in, appreciating every nuance.  You would remember what it was like when you couldn't smell, and you would be grateful for the opportunity to have lost it so that you could appreciate it now and forever.

I could go on and on with a hundred examples, but I'm sure you get the point. 

I remember how limited my life was on four wheels, and I am so very grateful to have a lot of those limitations lifted.  Just the ability to climb stairs again, however slow and difficult it still might be, is a true gift.  Just typing this right now is something I thought I might never be able to do again when I couldn't even lift my own arm to scratch my nose (both of which I also couldn't feel).

In every difficult situation is an opportunity to learn an important life lesson, and grow, and become better. 

I am grateful to be alive.  I am grateful to have feelings and to be able to feel pain so that I may be reminded of this life that I need to appreciate.  Good or bad.


His and hers?

Good day. Happy face. Hangin' at 'the farm'.

Time to look like a responsible adult and handle a certain "situation". Total win.

Sunday, April 1, 2012