It's quite the contrast to go from a "Gratitude" post to a post about depression, but it has to be addressed and is just how life seems to work.
I have been getting extremely depressed lately. I can't control it. It hits me in these waves and I don't know what depresses me more; the actual feeling of being depressed, or the fact that I can't fight it on my own. I will have a day or two of feeling like there's no point in living, and then magically the next day I wake up and I feel on top of the world, and like I can do anything.
Maybe it's just a side effect of getting older. I am in my late 30's (UGH) and I know that the hormones definitely take some twists and turns at this age, but causing major bouts of depression, really? HOW, from an evolutionary standpoint, is that part of getting old? What in the world does that accomplish in the aging process? Is this like some kind of test? If you can make it through these waves of wanting to throw yourself in front of a train, you are worthy of making it to the next phase? It's ridiculous.
I'm not a big believer in taking pills, but I am entertaining the idea of possibly a light anti-depressant for a little while. Or, maybe I should just go have all my female parts removed since I don't plan to create any more lives in this lifetime, anyway.
Whatever the solution, I hope I come to one quickly. I am getting pretty sick of myself.