Monday, October 21, 2013
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
I had posted about creating a new and improved me, and in one of those posts I shared my stats; height, weight, measurements. You can view that post here. Today, I will reveal my new stats! It's incredible. Truly incredible.
Goal Weight: 145
Hips: 42 1/2
Goal Weight: 145
Holy shit!! :))
And, I would like to add, that the day of my surgery I actually weighed in at 186 pounds, and that date was September 23, 2013 -- just a little over 2 weeks ago. My incision still hasn't even healed completely, and I'm skinnier than I've been in about 15 years. Yay, me!
I never thought I could do it. I didn't realize I was being crushed and suffocated by a giant tumor. Now that it's gone, my body is happier than ever, and so am I.
I will try to get an updated photo as soon as possible :)
NEVER, EVER Give Up!
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Sunday, September 15, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
|Me and my beautiful little Mini Me|
I remember a day when I hated taking pictures, and today I had a flash of how I used to feel when my daughter wanted to take a pic for her "snap chat". I told her to send it to me, fully anticipating hating it and feeling like the proverbial cow. After she sent it, and I cringed a little while I took the time to unlock my phone and open it, I was pleasantly surprised. Yes, although my hair and makeup aren't done and I look like a bit of zombie in that area, I do not look fat. I am actually starting to look how I want to look -- healthy. And, in case you were wondering what I used to look like, and why I became camera-phobic for a while, here is a "before" picture taken at my heaviest weight -- ever:
|Yup, this is me, at my heaviest (2009) 215 pounds|
I remember how difficult everything was back then. How, even just doing laundry or getting in and out of my car were major chores. I mean, I was carrying around 80 extra pounds, it's no wonder! And on a body that barely works in the first place! That is just not something I am willing to do for very long, and not the kind of person I've ever really been (even if I did slip a little for a while).
For those of you who are curious, this is what I'm used to looking like and the kind of person I've always actually been:
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Now I have three full weeks to really get healthy and clean. I want to get my skin as youthful and healthy as I can so that everything goes well with healing. I want my body to be as healthy and ready as possible so nothing goes wrong during surgery and I recover well afterward. Three weeks is a good amount of time to be able to accomplish those things. The body is so adaptable, it's actually quite amazing what we can do in just three weeks!
If you're just now tuning in, you can read about my surgery and why I'm having it here.
I know it seems odd for someone to be so excited to have surgery, but considering I'm carrying around a bowling ball in my uterus that is obviously getting bigger, I think most women can probably get on board with me. And men, you can stop reading here if you want, but with a tumor that big, my periods aren't exactly a day at the beach either. In fact, they are downright horrible.
Ok guys, that's over.
I am also going to try to lose as much weight as I can before surgery. I will be doing this the healthiest way possible, of course, but it stands to reason that the healthier my weight is, the better off I will be both with the actual surgery itself, and when I come home. It will be much easier to move around with a healing wound if I'm lighter and there's less of me to haul.
So, I suppose I can take you along for that journey and share my ups and downs with you. Here are my stats as of today:
Goal Weight: 145
Hips: 42 1/2
Now, in regard to the seemingly enormous waistline, that is such an incorrect measurement right now I can't even begin to tell you. My waist was that big around when I was over 200 pounds, so it's safe to assume the tumor is causing this expansion in both my waist and my hips. My hips should not be that big around right now either, and I can't wait to see what the new measurements are after everything is taken out. I would also deduct 5 pounds of water bloat from it being that time of the month, and at least 5 pounds for tumor and uterus weight that will be gone after September 16, but those are my actual weights and measurements nonetheless. It will be fun to watch them change over the coming months. I have three weeks to surgery, and then 4-6 weeks of recovery. I can't wait to report my new weight and measurements along the way. Should be interesting.
I added a few highlights to my hair today since I can't stand it being all one color. I will add a new post later on after it is styled for you to see, because I will be changing it again and again. Just another thing that will be fun to see the finished product :)
Never Give Up
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
I'm on a hair and makeup kick lately, and I've been spending a LOT of time on Pinterest looking at different hair colors and styles. I'm getting rather creative with some ideas of what I want to do with my hair color. I just went back to my traditional medium brown, but I get so bored with just one color, so I'm going to play around a bit and see what I come up with. Yes, I will share my results, good or bad (eeks, no pressure).
All in all I'm staying on track, and it's not hard to do knowing I have a goal set. Even when I get cravings for bad things, it's a lot easier to put them out of my mind when I remind myself of how healthy I want to be when I go under the knife. I'm scared enough the way it is, so at least I can ease my mind a bit knowing I've done all I can to make sure all goes well.
I'm really excited to start trying some detox smoothies, but I have to buy a blender first! I know, it's 2013 and I don't have a blender. I don't have a microwave either! Although, the microwave thing is just by choice. I don't like them. I think they are harmful to you, and I think they create more opportunities to get fat. At least I know they do for me. Besides all that, I love to cook, and when I say cook, I mean cook! The good old fashioned way of cooking. Like, from scratch.
So, once I manage to get out and buy my blender, (Friday, I hope) I am going to start trying out smoothie recipes and I'll let you know how they turn out, how they taste, and which ones I'll be drinking on the regular and which ones I'll be pouring down the drain and never visiting again. ;-)
Never Give Up
Anyway, while browsing through Pinterest, I came across a pin I really liked, and decided to do a little more digging into the person who pinned it. After looking through some of her boards, I then visited her blog, and boy was I hooked. I love her writing style, but I also couldn't help but be drawn to her, as a person. After a little more reading, I came across her cancer story. Wow. What a champion.
I just wanted to share this awesome blog with you. Her name is Brittney, and her blog is The Butterfly Mom. If you're looking for some interesting reading, or good tips and tricks about just about everything, then pay her a visit. Just from reading her blog, I can tell she has the kind of personality of someone I would enjoy being around. She's a tough little fighter, and from what I can tell, a great mom. She's in remission from her bout with skin cancer, and I hope and pray it stays that way.
After just going through the biopsy process and cancer scare, I am constantly grateful that I didn't get the phone call that she did. The one where the doctor gives you their personal cell number and home number, and you just know that it's going to be bad. I got very, very lucky, and I'm very, very grateful.
Never Give Up
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
So, I saw the Endocrinologist today and he says my thyroid levels are fine to proceed with surgery. Yay! Now, I will call my other doctor tomorrow morning and find out when we can get me on the table and get this devil baby out of me! I'm guessing it's going to be September 9th, or at least I'm hoping! He only does surgeries on Monday, and this coming Monday is Labor Day. I'm really looking forward to the relief and a new chapter in my life. I will be sans uterus, sans giant tumor, and thyroid on the level. I will feel like a new woman!
I just keep telling myself that everything I put in my body from now on is going to affect my health and recovery. I also keep repeating to myself that I want the body that can wear anything again. I loved that feeling. Most of my life I was skinny and able to wear whatever I wanted and look good in it. I want that again. I'm tired of my "fat" clothes, and I'm tired of not having any sort of fashion in my life because I was too busy hiding behind whatever was big enough to cover me. And, I'm just tired of being tired all the time. Even just this extra 20 pounds I have left is enough to drag me down, especially since my lower half is already limited.
Pinterest keeps me motivated as well. Whenever I get a craving or want to eat the wrong things, I go to the health and fitness category and look at all the beautiful and fit bodies and remind myself that can be me. I have to start with mostly diet right now since my body is limited with tumor, stiffness and pain, but once I'm healed up I'll be back on a fitness regimen in no time!
Follow Me on Pinterest
Never Give Up
Sunday, August 25, 2013
As a single mother, I know I tend to let my needs go by the wayside in lieu of taking care of my child's needs first. Now that I'm getting older, and so is she, I am realizing how much I have neglected myself over the years! Although I'll never stop being a mom, no matter how old she gets, it's time to start taking better care of myself. Afterall, if I'm ok, she'll be ok. So, with this pending surgery will come a new found respect for myself and some more steps in creating a new and even better "me".
On the agenda for the rest of my day will be eating a healthy supper; most likely oatmeal with unsweetened almond milk, sliced bananas, cinnamon, and stevia for sweetener. I know that doesn't sound like a "normal" supper, but it's what I'm craving and it's certainly healthy and low cal so I'm going for it. Once I've eaten I can take my supplements which include an Omega 3 fish oil, Vitamin C made from Rose Hips, Zinc, Vitamin E, and half a multi-vitamin. If I get snacky later I will turn to a banana. Once my food digests a little, I will try to squeeze in a couple yoga poses for some light stretching, and to see what I am capable of doing.
It will be nice to start off my Monday on the right foot.
Never Give Up
I have a doctor's appointment this Tuesday (August 27, 2013) with the Endocrinologist to see how my thyroid is functioning. That appointment will determine whether we can move forward with surgery, or whether we have to wait a bit longer until my thyroid gets under control. Either way, I'm on a mission to be as prepared as possible for surgery.
Besides eating cleaner, eating less, drinking more water, and attempting to detox, I am also taking supplements in hopes that I can boost my immune system and healing capabilities so that I'm not only in tip-top shape for the surgery itself, but so that I can heal up in the best and healthiest way afterward. I would like to come away from this surgery feeling energized and refreshed. Considering I will be losing a giant tumor, among other smaller tumors within my uterus, and my uterus itself, I am pretty sure I'll be feeling lighter and healthier just by that alone. So, if I'm as healthy and light as I can be by then, I will just be walking on air when I get home. I'm sure losing the organ and the tumors will most likely shed 10 pounds, maybe more, maybe less. No matter what the poundage, it's certainly going to relieve all this pressure and pain in that area.
So, now that I've mastered homemade baked beans, I will put the unhealthier creative cooking aside and work on healthy creative cooking for now. With Fall and the holidays coming, I will have plenty of chances to satisfy my desire for cooking all things bad for me :) At least then I can share them with friends and family and get them out of my kitchen so I'm not tempted. Maybe by then I'll be in good enough shape that I can indulge a bit as well.
I'm thinking I also need to start stretching more to gain a bit more flexibility, but also to relieve some of the pain in my lower half that I am sure is cause by tension and tightness of the muscles and ligaments. I've been browsing Pinterest for Yoga positions and the like in hopes that I can find at least a few that I am actually capable of doing. It's really sad that there aren't more Pins, or just information in general, available to those of us who can't do the "normal" Yoga poses and are limited to just a few. Maybe that should become my next project? Create a Yoga plan for disabled people. Maybe I will. After all the effort I will be putting in to finding poses and stretches that I can actually do, I might as well share my findings with others.
Never Give Up
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Monday, August 19, 2013
It's so wonderful when people you have never even met in real life come out of the woodwork just to say "Hello" and give you words of encouragement and praise. Matt has informed me that he has a new appreciation for the struggle I have been going through, and he just wanted me to know that. It's unfortunate that he had to experience a tragedy to see it, but it's so wonderful to me that he thinks of me and applies my struggle to situations in his own life. I always strive to inspire anyone I can, and although Matt didn't need any inspiration from anyone, he uses it anyway to keep going.
Matt is an ambitious walker. He does the very thing I struggle to do again, and he does it every single day to the fullest extent that he can. Matt simply walks. Simply probably isn't the right word to use there, but I'm using it anyway because it truly is a "simple" act until you are unable to do it anymore and you realize how much actually goes into walking. Even standing isn't as "simple" as one might think. It takes over 300 muscles just for the body to be able to stand and balance upright. Most people go through their lives never knowing what truly goes into being able bodied, and that's great, I don't wish hardship on anyone, but I do enjoy nothing more than seeing someone use their abilities as best they know how.
Thank you, Matt. You have inspired me, encouraged me, and given me strength.
Never Give Up
Friday, August 16, 2013
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Not doing much today, just going to relax and continue to enjoy life. Maybe I'll get really ambitious and do some cleaning. Woo hoo, big crazy plans. :)
Thanks once again to all that have emailed to wish me well. Each and every email I get brings me such joy and comfort... so, thank you!
Never Give Up
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Here is the latest update on the giant tumor in my belly:
I have had a battery of tests, including a biopsy of my uterus, all of which have come back normal! Thank God, <taking a moment to actually thank Him>. It is not cancer, and that makes me grateful beyond grateful. I can handle anything with a smile on my face knowing I'm not battling the dreaded 'C' word.
Surgery to have a full hysterectomy and remove the tumor/tumors and my uterus was scheduled for this coming Monday, August 19th, but upon further testing, that has been postponed because my thyroid levels are dangerously low, and with good reason, my doctor will not perform the surgery until that is under control. So, a tiny little pill every day to sort that out is all I have to do, and once I'm back to "normal" we will reschedule the surgery.
I am very excited to have this surgery. I have wanted my uterus gone for many years. These fibroid tumors run in my family, and I have known I have at least two for some time now, so I figured one day it would be a good idea to just have it taken out. That day has come.
It's nice to fully understand why I've been feeling so awful these past couple of years. The weakness is explained by the tumor and my severe hypothyroidism. Actually, all of my recent symptoms are explained away by both of these issues, and it's really great knowing that will be fixed. My doctor is also referring me to a neurologist after my surgery to take a look at my condition and see if there is any way we can fix that too :)))
All in all, this is a good development in my life. I have a lot to do, and will have some recovery time after the surgery, but that's a walk in the park compared to what it could have been. I wake every morning with a smile on my face and thank God for sparing me. I'm not done being a mommy to my beautiful daughter yet, and I want to see my grand babies and do a lot more in this life -- whether I can walk normal or not.
Thank you to all of you who have already sent me well wishes! I appreciate it so much, and it's so nice to know there are so many wonderfully caring people in this world!
Never Give Up
Saturday, August 3, 2013
All of my dizzy spells, weakness, lack of energy, sugar cravings, back pain, wacky periods; it all adds up to this giant parasite in my body. I've been carrying around this thing for God knows how long, and it's taking all my energy. It's draining the life right out of me.
I can't wait for it to be gone. I hope it's in my uterus and they take that too. I've wanted that gone for a couple years now. I feel like it just doesn't need to be there. I'm too old to have more babies, and my body too broken. So, let's pray this is a fybroid tumor in my uterus and they can just take out the whole kit and caboodle!
Never Give Up
Thursday, August 1, 2013
Monday, July 29, 2013
I'm not sure how I'm doing, exactly. I feel like I'm at such a stale-mate. I am having a really hard time getting motivated lately, and I don't know if it's because of a little bit of depression, or maybe health issues, or both. Whatever it is, I want it to stop, and I want to feel good and have energy and want to do things again.
I had an idea today for something that might work at getting me moving around more. I've been addicted to Pinterest lately, and I have a board called "Food" that has upwards of 300 recipes on it so far. I was thinking I would start with at least 1 recipe a week; make the dish, take a picture of it, post it here with my awesome wordiness attached, and then move it to a new board called "Finished", or something along those lines. I think it might be a good way to get me out of the house to get the ingredients, then of course moving around the kitchen to create whatever fabulous dish is up for that week, and maybe even some more exercise if I decide to share it and bring it to friends so I don't end up 300 pounds by the end of it all. And if I really got motivated I could do more than 1 a week, maybe even 3! I don't know. It's an idea.
What I do know is something needs to change for me, and I'm the only one who can make the changes. So, I better get my ass in gear and figure out what I'm going to do. I'm starting to get a little moldy like my apartment.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
The neighbor kids were in shock, rightfully so, and we were in stitches laughing - also rightfully so!
Let this be a lesson to all the bad teddy bears out there. ;-)
So, apparently, these things really are flame retardant. However, when doused with lighter fluid... not so much.
|Bad Teddy Bear!|
Thursday, April 18, 2013
I am not completely gone, however. You can still contact me here, and I am still fighting the good fight.
I don't often get a chance to post here, and I know I need to be better about that, so I will try hard in the future to be more attentive to those of you who have stuck by me from the very beginning. You deserve at least that.
In health news; I am still about the same strength leg-wise that I was say, six months ago, and my right arm has been giving me a great deal of grief in the elbow region so it has been hard to walk and baby that at the same time. Therefore, I've been using a chair a lot more, which I can't say I mind all that much. It's been kind of nice to get a little break from the constant pain and struggle of "walking".
I have decided to start trying new exercises, and I promise to do my best to keep you updated on that.
Never Give Up
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
All tucked away til next winter.
Never Give Up
|Folded the duvet lengthwise in half once, then again, then again, and then rolled up as tight as I could. I could have done a neater job if my right elbow wasn't in such bad shape, but you get the idea. And, there it is, the lonely blue pillow case.|
|Blanket inside the pillow case and case tied at top. This will keep out dust and keep my blankie smelling fresh and clean. I will make a sash of cinnamon and a bay leaf to put under it or behind it to keep the bugs out as it is organic cotton and they love that stuff!|
|Snug as a bug in a rug (or a duvet in a pillow case in this case) until next winter.|
Still, I didn't do too bad for someone who can't climb a ladder, can barely stand, and has an injured arm! :-)
Never Give Up
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
I have made a deal with myself that I will allow myself to drink again once I hit 150 lbs. I have been struggling with my weight for years, upon years, upon years. I used to be 225 pounds at my heaviest! I've lost a small animal so far, but still have another small animal to go, so I figured if I give myself some incentive it'll be a little bit easier to choke down those salads and say "No, thanks" when offered a beer. :(( I do miss my beer!
I also realized that using a wheelchair occasionally has been injuring my elbow, or at least not allowing it to heal, so I have to stop doing that and just use the walker. It would seem like it would be the opposite, but it's not. I went two days without using the chair and my elbow started to feel better, then I used the chair again and it hurts again. UGH.
So, I suppose I'll have to stop using the chair again just to see if my elbow will heal. I like using the chair to give my legs a bit of a break and time to rest, but also for cleaning and doing the things that normally take me a month to do with the walker. Oh well, I guess it's for the best to continue with my forward progress of trying to walk unassisted. But, it still sucks.
So, in 15 pounds I can have an ice cold beer, and I will! (or maybe even several)
Never Give Up
Thursday, March 14, 2013
I enjoy an ice cold beer on a hot day as much as the next guy (or gal in my case), but in my condition, and with my history of lack of self control, I end up drinking more than I should, and then I put way too much strain on my arms to walk with my walker to get where I need to go without falling over.
I will give it 90 days clean and sober and see how I feel then. Even if I do decide to enjoy a cold one again, it will be only when I have the time to recover afterward, and in a way that won't put quite so much strain on my upper body.
Another plus to 90 days of no alcohol will be more weight loss. I still have about 25 pounds to lose, and omitting alcohol will only make that easier to accomplish.
So, today is Day 2. I'm actually looking very much forward to detoxifying my body and healing a bit more.
Never Give Up