The one thing I have, or had, throughout all of the struggles was sleep. Now, this new development is robbing me of that, too.
I'm somewhat comfortable in my chair, but when it comes time for bed and I can barely keep my eyes open, I lay down and that's when the real hell begins. It starts with my hips going into very painful spasms and never ends until the pain is so intense I can't bare it anymore and I'm forced to sit up. So tired I'm falling asleep sitting up, I have to sit like this for an hour or so before I try the process all over again. Lay down, get comfortable, start falling asleep, get woken up by excruciating spasms that continually come in waves every few seconds until I'm in so much pain and so frustrated I want to jump off a bridge just to get some relief.
I'm on pain killers and muscle relaxers and none of it is really helping. I mean, without them I would no doubt jump from the nearest and highest bridge, but they only do minimal good. So, on top of all the pain and suffering, I'm also riddled with anxiety that I'm poisoning my body with drugs.
The struggle is most definitely real.